He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
