You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
