Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
