I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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