well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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