Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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