I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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