The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
