Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
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