Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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