My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Randomize
