Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize