Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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