So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize