You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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