who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
