Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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