I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
