Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
