i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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