I'm lost and stupid without you.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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