So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
