i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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