absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
