The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
