does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize