a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You may now shotgun with the bride
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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