and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
