I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
