Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
