I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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