Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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