Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The power of my boobs compel you
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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