I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
