Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
it's great music for shaving your balls
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
