awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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