dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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