Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize
