You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
