3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
