Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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