i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
