Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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