He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
