i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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