i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize