Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
