fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
