Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
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