How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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