and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize