so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
