come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
