marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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