Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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