Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
