do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
