2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
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