doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
