Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
