i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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