if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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