...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We are two peas in an std pod
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Text me some of your sweat
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
