Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
