i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
