Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
