Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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