We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
