I accidentally had phone sex last night
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
