I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
