So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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