I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I know her cup size but not her name....
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
