babies were throwing up all over the place
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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