69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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