I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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