Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
