do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
