oh god the rape fog is back!
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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