True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
