the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
