I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
