I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
